2013 Remake Challenge: 1D's One Thing

My ears look forward to this as much as a sharp stick being poked through them, but here we go with a 2013 vid remake challenge. Students pitched a multitude of interesting ideas, from Rebecca Black's advert for earplugs, Friday, to Olivia Newton-John's Grease, but a consensus was reached around this aural atrocity...

Not sure how the open-top bus will be managed (a matchbox toy? car-trailer? cardboard cutout?), and I've a sinking feeling I've figured out who 'Zayn' is and why there was an optimistic call for yours truly to play him, but we start with meticulous denotation of the original.
It helps to have UGC/fan-made vids like this:

It also helps that YouTube have signed deals with most of the major labels (and many Indies) to ensure such vids can be exhibited through their site!
We'll carry out meticulous denotation using note sheets like those pictured below.